yay we're going koreaaaaaaaaaaa :D nomu nomu kipou! teehee

i'm craving the beyond orgasmic fries we had in hongkong :p

i felt the knot in my chest unloosen as we ran crazily and with gleeful abandonment. let's do it all over the world okay? (:

happy birthday me (:

haha. its quiet this year. no negative or positive connotation to it i suppose. the house is quiet, everyone's asleep. makes me kinda miss the warmth, energy, laughter of 71 marchmont street. i had some of the best birthdays there (: but the celebration of one's birthday isn't about looking back pensively and longingly is it? though it is the celebration of the fact i've made it to 22 years of my life, and each and every day of that 22 years on this world is something to be thankful and grateful for.. it is also a step upwards and onwards to something else. i hesitate in saying better, simply because the moments i've had in the past are irreplaceable, precious and will always be kept carefully in the depths of my heart. but at the same time, with each year, i get a step closer to where i want to be in life, and that's something that only comes with age & experience.

so while i loathe the idea of growing old. at the same time, it is inevitable. so i'm going to embrace it and move with the flow. no more whinging about shit, work and denied opportunities. i'm going to hold on to what i want, who i love and fight my way there (:

much love to screw & angie (:

Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. - Helen Keller

i'm all emo-schemo today. had a dream last night or maybe it was mid-day today :p made me remember the rush it gave me. but as usual, the thought of that rush brought the accompanying roll of my stomach at the taste and the smell. it'll almost be a year since i had it. haha. don't particularly miss it, though the headiness is tempting. i so get why people are addicted.

i love theatre

i wish i was a better singer. i wish i could do musicals again, and not as the chorus, but the lead. i miss the stage. life has been quiet and mundane without the thrill of the bright lights, the racing of my heart of that moment before i walk out of the curtains. mms. i miss it. but i'll get back (:

hello flatmate, i'm thinking of our pumpkins. halloween's coming (:

my birthday feels alot more quiet this year. without the usual excitement. somehow, it feels that my birthday has become something of a burden. i have to please people, think of ways to celebrate with my various groups of friends or family, fit their preferences & their timetables. i'm tired. i always wondered if it was because i always organised my own birthday parties that no one ever asked me out to celebrate my birthday. that i always made things convenient for them, so no one thought to ask otherwise. and yet it seems that isn't the reason. shrugs. perhaps its because i haven't celebrated my birthday in singapore in 3 years? haha. it feels abit hollow. or maybe we're too old for special celebrations? have i moved on to orderly, little dinners then? or maybe i should just get over it already and realise it is another day.

mms, i still remember chor ming with my cupcake on my 20th. and cass, ming & chor ming [and stanley. haha] on my 21st (: the sweet but erh rather big failure of my surprise 19th. orchestrated by the oddest person in retrospect. and the wonderful 16th.

i think i'm getting depressed from staying at home -.- and the fact that he's around. can't wait for the oppressive air here to be gone for at least a few days. sighs. self-pity is a disgusting bitter taste in my mouth. i'm better than that.

sighs. on afternoons when my irritating father rings & forces me out of bed, and nights when he constantly wakes me up from my nighttime naps, or intrudes in my life, i really really wish i was back in 71 marchmont street. or had an apt of my own here. or even back in high holborn -.- this is how much i love my freedom and hate ppl interfering my in life.

the woes of being financially dependent. this annoyance is not being soothed by e fact tt i'm stuck at home all day (attempting) to mug. grumbles.

i totally get the concept and story behind 'love, eat, pray'. well maybe not the pray part. maybe my story will be 'love, eat, travel & shop'. now that sounds so much better. hahaha.

i can so see myself in that position in like 10, 20 years. searching the world for the beauty, excitement, thrill, fear, freedom, simplicity, unbridled happiness and fresh air. escapism is my best friend.

straight, bold & unwavering lines are clearly drawn in bright neon yellow. and it feels like there's a million hands hovering around me waiting to grab me back into my boundaries the moment i put a toe out of one. i wonder if i'm shunning society, or shunning singapore's societal expectations?

my escapist tendencies and crazy dreams are the very opposite of stability. the irony of my wants.

mms. when i first heard florence & the machine's album, all i heard was the first 20 seconds of 'dog days are over' and i immediately bought the cd. i remember thinking at the time (in my favourite roughtrade), that this was the perfect song for another of my escapist holidays. and to my delight, it became the title song of 'eat pray love'. ah (:

ps. did i mention julia roberts & i have the same birthday? :D she is my star

hello i miss you. but i can't don't quite know how to say it. it's lodged at the back of my throat. i can't swallow it, but neither can i spit it out.

i'm going crazy in this house. is it me that's changed? or her? i miss the quietness i had in london. the freedom, independence and ability to breathe. i'm better at long-distance relationships with them i think. love from afar yeah? i'm just holding on, waiting for the next two, three years to pass. quickly please.

Tomorrow I could be an urn of ashes or buried 6 feet under..

how vulnerable each bright spark can be. how quickly or easily it can be smothered. out of nowhere. my heart ached the whole day. i hope you're in a better place. where nothing bad or painful happens anymore.

its been a bad week. let tmr come quickly please.

somedays when i feel i can't breathe, when i feel i've lost that lightness inside of me, when i feel claustrophobic in this city with citizens who have no clue about the concept of personal space, when i feel at the bottom of the well, or i miss the world outside.. i go here, listen to the soundtrack for awhile.

and everything just melts away.

i can be back on that rooftop, perched on the santorini cliffs, watching the sun dip lower and lower into the sea. i can be back at the top of the snowy white mountain, with the fluffy white snow swirling around me and the wind whistling in my ear. i can be back in that sanctuary that's loss to me forever, but preserved carefully and tenderly in my heart and soul. the place where it was cold, quiet, peaceful, had everything, plus my best friend next door. or i can be back to the winter-y streets of london on a frigid night, prancing down soho at close to midnight after roast duck with angela and then heading to snog cause i thought of joyce. or i can be back at wall street pier, alone in the darkness, watching the sun set, shivering like mad, but trying to get my shaking hands to steady so that i could get that shot of the sunset over new york. or i can be back on that grassy field in the park atop one of prague's hills. watching angela sleep, basking under the bright sunlight like a cat, while i lie under the shade, watching the clouds drift by above the canopy or the daffodils sway next to me. how i miss the places, how i miss the people, how i miss that freedom.

hello my baby (: i put it out of my head, i try not to think. but sometimes, i realise you're not there. and its like an empty hole. i miss you.